In the name of fair & balanced reporting, here are the acts keeping me from Coachella this year:
Paul McCartney: his fans are old, and it’s entirely possible they will die at the sight of him. You do not want to be near legions of dying Beatles fans.
Morrissey: his singing will make you kill yourself. and if that doesn’t do it, his fans will make you kill yourself. (see also: The Cure, My Bloody Valentine, Leonard Cohen)
The Killers: they are awful, and they MUST have awful fans. Being around awful fans wil make you kill something.
Amy Winehouse: she will rape you for drugs.
Fleet Foxes: will put you to sleep. And I’ve a hunch all their fans smell of patchouli. (see also: blitzen trapper, dr. dog, ariel pink’s haunted graffiti)
That should be enough information for & against. CHOOSE WISELY.
